The bus stopped for you at grief, and as you stepped off, you sank into an abyss of pain and sorrow, like nothing you had experienced before. You don’t have to stay forever in this inhospitable place.
When we experience the death of our child, we feel totally powerless as the feelings associated with grief wreak havoc in our lives. In the short term, we may have little control over our life and go through the motions in survival mode only. We wonder if we will ever feel some degree of peace again.
Stepping back onto the bus and getting onto the highway of life takes courage, but more than that, it takes a commitment to you.
You must decide if you want life to be more than it is at the moment. Do you want to have meaning in your life again? Do you want to truly live again? Only you can decide.
Many may think, of course: What a stupid question! Of course I want to truly live, but getting back on that bus takes a lot of hard work. It will require that resolve, that commitment to you. It will underpin your actions, as you adapt to grief and gradually make a new course for yourself in the strangely altered life you now find yourself in.
To get where I am now has been the most difficult thing I have ever done. There were many times when I couldn’t get back on the bus. But, I made a conscious decision that my son's death would not define my life forever, not in this way. It would not mean I was destined to live in this extreme emotional pain forever. It would not mean I would never enjoy moments of peace again. If I succumbed to this forever, I would be dead while alive, something I couldn’t do to myself or to my son. I thought of the pain he must be in watching me.. That is what kept me going when I wanted to give up. I decided NO! I do want different. ------- I’m getting back on the bus!