During the journey of grief,even the most confident of people begin to doubt their own sanity and their ability to walk through the darkness and once again find light.
Since grief is as unique as a finger print, there are no road maps or set guides, and everyone is left wondering if they are reacting properly, doing it right, or moving through as fast as they should.
I remember one grieving mother who told a group I was leading that she used lipstick to write on her mirror. "I will not should on me today." She recognized that the doubts and fears were leading her to live in a constant struggle with how she "should" feel, act, talk, sleep, eat and drink. She needed some relief and discovered that relief could only come from herself.
There are some things that might prove helpful in the journey. If you read my posts, you will read me share it over and over again, the need is to feel what you feel. Fighting feelings demands too much energy that we do not have to spare. This is what the woman meant when she wrote "I will not should on myself today." She was not going to fight her feelings. She was not going to try to control how she felt nor force herself to feel some certain way. Right now your feelings are not controllable and any effort we make to try to do so will only make the feelings more intense.
It also might help to let the feelings out; to rant and rave if necessary, to tell the world how unfair and cruel it all is, to find safe people, such as those on Grief Closet, who will understand the rants that need to be set free.
At first the feelings whirl above and around us in a dizzying spin, but like a hurricane, they are building up their power. Then they crash in on our lives and we feel like we will never live again, but the storm does move through.