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July 19, 2014

Speak my Childs Name

• I wish you would not be afraid to speak my child's name. They lived and were important and I need to hear their name.
• If I cry and get emotional if we talk about my child, I wish you knew that it isn't because you hurt me: the fact that my child died causes my tears. You have allowed me to cry and I thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing.
• I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. I wish you wouldn't think that if I have a good cry my grief is all over, or that if I have a bad day I need psychiatric counseling.
• Being bereaved is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't stay away from me.
• I wish you knew all the crazy grief reactions that I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, fear, hopelessness and questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected.
• I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in 6 months. The first few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for me.
• I wish you understood the physical reaction to grief. I may gain weight, lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, and be accident prone; all of which are related to my grief.
• My child's birthday, the anniversary of their death and the holidays can be terrible times for me. I wish you could tell me that you are thinking of me on these days. And if I get quiet and withdrawn, just know that I am thinking about my child and don't try to coerce me into being cheerful.

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