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December 24, 2013

Christmas at the Gas Station

You never know who is knocking
 

The old man sat in his gas station on a cold Christmas Eve. He hadn't been anywhere in years since his wife had passed away. It was just another day to him. He didn't hate Christmas, just couldn't find a reason to celebrate. He was sitting there looking at the snow that had been falling for the last hour and wondering what it was all about when the door opened and a homeless man stepped through. 

Instead of throwing the man out, Old George as he was known by his customers, told the man to come and sit by the heater and warm up. "Thank you, but I don't mean to intrude," said the stranger. "I see you're busy, I'll just go." 
"Not without something hot in your belly." George said. 
He turned and opened a wide mouth Thermos and handed it to the stranger. "It ain't much, but it's hot and tasty. Stew ... Made it myself. When you're done, there's coffee and it's fresh." 
Just at that moment he heard the "ding" of the driveway bell. "Excuse me, be right back," George said. There in the driveway was an old '53 Chevy. Steam was rolling out of the front.. The driver was panicked. "Mister can you help me!" said the driver, with a deep Spanish accent. "My wife is with child and my car is broken." George opened the hood. It was bad. The block looked cracked from the cold, the car was dead. 
"You ain't going in this thing," George said as he turned away. 
"But Mister, please help ..." The door of the office closed behind George as he went inside. He went to the office wall and got the keys to his old truck, and went back outside. He walked around the building, opened the garage, started the truck and drove it around to where the couple was waiting. "Here, take my truck," he said. "She ain't the best thing you ever looked at, but she runs real good." 
George helped put the woman in the truck and watched as it sped off into the night. He turned and walked back inside the office. "Glad I gave 'em the truck, their tires were shot too. That 'ol truck has brand new ." George thought he was talking to the stranger, but the man had gone. The Thermos was on the desk, empty, with a used coffee cup beside it. "Well, at least he got something in his belly," George thought. 
George went back outside to see if the old Chevy would start. It cranked slowly, but it started. He pulled it into the garage where the truck had been. He thought he would tinker with it for something to do. Christmas Eve meant no customers. He discovered the the block hadn't cracked, it was just the bottom hose on the radiator. "Well, shoot, I can fix this," he said to himself. So he put a new one on. 
"Those tires ain't gonna get 'em through the winter either." He took the snow treads off of his wife's old Lincoln . They were like new and he wasn't going to drive the car anyway. 
As he was working, he heard shots being fired. He ran outside and beside a police car an officer lay on the cold ground. Bleeding from the left shoulder, the officer moaned, "Please help me." 
George helped the officer inside as he remembered the training he had received in the Army as a medic. He knew the wound needed attention. "Pressure to stop the bleeding," he thought. The uniform company had been there that morning and had left clean shop towels. He used those and duct tape to bind the wound. "Hey, they say duct tape can fix anythin'," he said, trying to make the policeman feel at ease. 
"Something for pain," George thought. All he had was the pills he used for his back. "These ought to work." He put some water in a cup and gave the policeman the pills. "You hang in there, I'm going to get you an ambulance." 
The phone was dead. "Maybe I can get one of your buddies on that there talk box out in your car." He went out only to find that a bullet had gone into the dashboard destroying the two way radio. 
He went back in to find the policeman sitting up. "Thanks," said the officer. "You could have left me there. The guy that shot me is still in the area." 
George sat down beside him, "I would never leave an injured man in the Army and I ain't gonna leave you." George pulled back the bandage to check for bleeding. "Looks worse than what it is. Bullet passed right through 'ya. Good thing it missed the important stuff though. I think with time your gonna be right as rain." 
George got up and poured a cup of coffee. "How do you take it?" he asked. 
"None for me," said the officer.. 
"Oh, yer gonna drink this. Best in the city. Too bad I ain't got no donuts." The officer laughed and winced at the same time. 
The front door of the office flew open. In burst a young man with a gun. "Give me all your cash! Do it now!" the young man yelled. His hand was shaking and George could tell that he had never done anything like this before. 
"That's the guy that shot me!" exclaimed the officer. 
"Son, why are you doing this?" asked George, "You need to put the cannon away. Somebody else might get hurt." 
The young man was confused. "Shut up old man, or I'll shoot you, too. Now give me the cash!" 
The cop was reaching for his gun. "Put that thing away," George said to the cop, "we got one too many in here now." 
He turned his attention to the young man. "Son, it's Christmas Eve. If you need money, well then, here. It ain't much but it's all I got. Now put that pea shooter away." 
George pulled $150 out of his pocket and handed it to the young man, reaching for the barrel of the gun at the same time. The young man released his grip on the gun, fell to his knees and began to cry. "I'm not very good at this am I? All I wanted was to buy something for my wife and son," he went on. "I've lost my job, my rent is due, my car got repossessed last week." 
George handed the gun to the cop. "Son, we all get in a bit of squeeze now and then. The road gets hard sometimes, but we make it through the best we can." 
He got the young man to his feet, and sat him down on a chair across from the cop. "Sometimes we do stupid things." George handed the young man a cup of coffee. "Bein' stupid is one of the things that makes us human. Comin' in here with a gun ain't the answer. Now sit there and get warm and we'll sort this thing out." 
The young man had stopped crying. He looked over to the cop. "Sorry I shot you. It just went off. I'm sorry officer." 
"Shut up and drink your coffee " the cop said. 
George could hear the sounds of sirens outside. A police car and an ambulance skidded to a halt. Two cops came through the door, guns drawn. "Chuck! You ok?" one of the cops asked the wounded officer. 
"Not bad for a guy who took a bullet. How did you find me?" 
"GPS locator in the car. Best thing since sliced bread. Who did this?" the other cop asked as he approached the young man. 
Chuck answered him, "I don't know. The guy ran off into the dark. Just dropped his gun and ran." 
George and the young man both looked puzzled at each other. 
"That guy work here?" the wounded cop continued. 
"Yep," George said, "just hired him this morning. Boy lost his job." 
The paramedics came in and loaded Chuck onto the stretcher. The young man leaned over the wounded cop and whispered, "Why?" 
Chuck just said, "Merry Christmas boy ... and you too, George, and thanks for everything." 
"Well, looks like you got one doozy of a break there. That ought to solve some of your problems." 
George went into the back room and came out with a box. He pulled out a ring box. "Here you go, something for the little woman. I don't think Martha would mind. She said it would come in handy some day." 
The young man looked inside to see the biggest diamond ring he ever saw. "I can't take this," said the young man. "It means something to you." 
"And now it means something to you," replied George. "I got my memories. That's all I need." 
George reached into the box again. An airplane, a car and a truck appeared next. They were toys that the oil company had left for him to sell. "Here's something for that little man of yours."
The young man began to cry again as he handed back the $150 that the old man had handed him earlier. 
"And what are you supposed to buy Christmas dinner with? You keep that too," George said. "Now git home to your family." 
The young man turned with tears streaming down his face. "I'll be here in the morning for work, if that job offer is still good." 
"Nope. I'm closed Christmas day," George said. "See ya the day after." 
George turned around to find that the stranger had returned. "Where'd you come from? I thought you left?" 
"I have been here. I have always been here," said the stranger. "You say you don't celebrate Christmas. Why?" 
"Well, after my wife passed away, I just couldn't see what all the bother was. Puttin' up a tree and all seemed a waste of a good pine tree. Bakin' cookies like I used to with Martha just wasn't the same by myself and besides I was gettin' a little chubby." 
The stranger put his hand on George's shoulder. "But you do celebrate the holiday, George. You gave me food and drink and warmed me when I was cold and hungry. The woman with child will bear a son and he will become a great doctor. 
The policeman you helped will go on to save 19 people from being killed by terrorists. The young man who tried to rob you will make you a rich man and not take any for himself. "That is the spirit of the season and you keep it as good as any man." 
George was taken aback by all this stranger had said. "And how do you know all this?" asked the old man. 
"Trust me, George. I have the inside track on this sort of thing. And when your days are done you will be with Martha again." 
The stranger moved toward the door. "If you will excuse me, George, I have to go now. I have to go home where there is a big celebration planned." 
George watched as the old leather jacket and the torn pants that the stranger was wearing turned into a white robe. A golden light began to fill the room. 
"You see, George ... it's My birthday. Merry Christmas." 
George fell to his knees and replied, "Happy Birthday, Lord Jesus"
This story is better than any greeting card.
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND GOD BLESS!

November 25, 2013

Join My Facebook Event to Remember my Son...

Please Join my event to remember my son, wherever you are...
No need to go anywhere, just say his name and join the event...


November 15, 2013

Please Help me Buy a Used Car to see my Kids...

My youngest son (Forever 18) died on 4-26-2010 & my husband left me on 4-2-2012. My only two living sons live in Florida and it’s been so long since I’ve seen them & hugged them. One lives in Jacksonville & the other lives in Palm Coast. I want to be able to see them again. I Miss them so much! Since my son died I’ve been very depressed & when my husband left me it became worse. I’ve been in therapy for over a year now, 5 days a week, 6 hours a day. I live on Social Security and it’s been really rough to save up enough to buy a used car. Please help me… I don’t know if this will work but I’ve noticed that it’s worked for some other friends of mine… I’ve never been away from my kids for so long!! I live in PA, because my family lives here & that’s where my ex-husband dropped me off at. Nearly 1000 miles away from my kids. Living without a car is tough! I have to rely on the bus to get to therapy each day and I can't work yet, I have to work through my mental illnesses...

Please Help...

Thank You in Advance

October 23, 2013

Just Because...

Just because I talk about my youngest son Greggy that passed away, it does not mean I don't focus on my children that are alive.  --->Let me put it this way, A mother's love has no limits and no boundries, as a mother we love all our children equally and we would give our life for any of our children. Even if if a mother has 20 children she loves them all the same, just because my youngest son died, it does not mean I am going to act like he didn't exist. I will mention him, celebrate his birthdays, and holidays in memory of him. For people telling me to focus on my other sons, that are alive and not the one that died,
let me ask you this...
"which one of your children...
would you stop loving and talking about?"
So you see, I can't either.

October 20, 2013

Today I saw you crying...

Today I saw you crying 
I sent you lots of love 
I hope that you can feel it 
I'm here just up above 

Today I jumped from cloud to cloud 
And flew across the sky 
And God told me all about you 
And why you often cry 

He told me that you were special 
And your love for me is so deep 
He told me that one day I'll meet you here 
And in your arms I'll leap 

I met a nice man the other day 
He sat me on his knee 
He told me that he knew you, Mom 
And do you know what else he told me? 

He told me all about you 
About your pretty face 
About your kindness, love and joy 
About your sweet grace 

I told that man I knew you 
Cause we were once so close 
I grew in your belly, Mommy 
Just beneath your clothes 

I told that man you talked to me 
And prayed for me each night 
And how I felt your love right there 
And how you would hug me tight 

No, you're not a stranger, Mom 
Although we're now apart 
It's really not that far, Mommy 
I know I'm in your heart 

I can't wait to see you, Mommy 
God says you'll be here soon 
Until then, I'm with you 
And I love you to the moon...

By: Julie Miller

October 19, 2013

September 3, 2013

I'm gone...


Author: Unknown

If you should wake tomorrow
and find that I'm not here
remember how much I love you
and please don't shed your tears.

For my life on earth is over
My days have been fulfilled
I did what God intended
My rows have all been tilled.

Just think of me with smiles
Hold my memory in your heart
For if you don't forget me
We'll never be apart.

For all the loves I held so dear
I'll be there by your side
watching, standing over you
I'll always be your guide.

And if one day you feel a sense
a whisper in your ear
Don't be alarmed, it's only me
to let you know I'm near.

And if we never got to hug
or say the word goodbye
Please, don't have a broken heart
and sit around and cry.

Remember that I loved the Lord
and made my peace within
I prayed for his forgiveness
He washed away my sins.

So if I die tomorrow
and the sun for you won't shine
Just look up towards the heavens
I'm with the Great Divine

September 2, 2013

Happy Heavenly Birthday Greggy...

22 Years ago today at 1:51 PM you came into my world! I can still remember the first time I 

held you. My perfect little boy! How happy I was! The hopes and dreams I had for you, I 

could only imagine who you would be when you grew up. For 18 years, 7 months, & 24 days, I 

watched you grow. Did you know how much I loved you? Did you know that when ever you 

were hurt how it tore at my heart? Did you know how Proud I was of you at each 

accomplishment you made thru your life? Did you know that no matter what, I was always 

there for you? Did you know how happy I was that last day when you told me you loved me 

and had to work on your studies? What happened that night that made you go off the road 

and hit that tree? Today as I remember that night 22 years ago I still remember going into 

Labor & giving birth to you on Labor Day. You've been gone now for 3 years, 4 months, & 6 

days and instead of telling you happy birthday, celebrating this day with you I can only hope 

and pray that you know and hear me when I tell you thank you Greggy for the 18 years, 7 

months, & 24 days you gave me! Thank you for coming into my life and letting me be a part of 

your life! So today on your birthday I remember your life and I wonder who you'd be today! 

I Love you Gregg and miss you so much. I so wish you could be here today, but today I thank 

God that he let me have you for for the time I was blessed with, then never to have had you! 

My gift to you on your birthday is my Love and prayers sent to you and my gratitude that 

you were in my life! I Love You My Sweetie Pie...

Happy Heavenly Birthday Greggy Jr.

August 26, 2013

Missing you...

40 Months Without You...
I Miss You...

August 1, 2013

Quote...

Patience is the key to that miracle you’ve been praying for. Far too often we pray to God for something, we ask in good faith for it, knowing God is fully capable of answering our prayer and in the last moments we become impatience and doubt God’s ability to bless, thus losing our faith and in many cases canceling the prayer we made in the first place. Have patience and faith merged together in your daily walk and watch mountains move while standing on water!
- Christopher Martin

July 21, 2013

Promises are True...

Scriptures affirms that our God sits high and looks low; nothing escapes his notice. From his holy temple he hears our voice; our cries come into his ears. He knows our distress, hears every prayers, sees every tear, and knows every heart. His is the Word, and his promises are true.

July 2, 2013

Change...

Greg you left me and I've changed...
Not sure if it's for the good or bad...

June 30, 2013

Run Away?

When we give in to fear
we always run away
from something
we should be
confronting.

June 29, 2013

Dear Lord,

Dear Lord, I pray for my family and friends, that they may increase in wisdom and love; for those facing changes, that they may meet them with hope; for those who are weak, that they may find strength; for those with heavy burdens, that they may carry them lightly; for those who are old and frail, that they may grow in faith.

June 28, 2013

First & Last...

My Family (Estranged Husband & my sons)
are who I think of in the morning & at bedtime...

June 27, 2013

I Put a Mask On & Smile...



I struggle everyday with the grief of my youngest son, forever 18...
I struggle everyday with my living sons being 800 miles away...
I struggle everyday with the grief of my 24 year marriage...
I struggle everyday knowing my husband is living with another woman...
I struggle everyday looking for a place to call home...
I struggle everyday with many other things as well...
So What Do I Do?

I Put a Mask On & Smile...

The person that smiles the most is normally the person that is suffering the most...
The person that listens to everyone is normally crying out for someone to listen to them...
The person that is the quite one of the group is too used to being rejected...
The loud person is crying out for someone to notice them...
The most emotional person is the one that had to be the strongest throughout life...
The one that shows no emotion is really dying inside...
Just goes to show don't judge a book by its cover...

June 26, 2013

June 24, 2013

When you are old...

I should have been more kind.
That is something a person
will never regret.
You will never say to yourself
when you are old,
‘Ah, I wish I was not
good to that person.’
You will never think that.
—Khaled Hosseini

June 23, 2013

I talk about the core of me...

This is where my son and husband live. So I decided to illustrate... It is just behind my heart and adjacent to my lung... so with every beat of my heart and every breath...they are there. Webster defines core: a. basic, essential, or enduring part b. : the inmost or most intimate part. I don't live in the past with them, I carry them with me to the present and future. I am their memorial. My son at 17 wanted to be a Nurse. He worked full time, went to college full time, bought his own car, lived on his own, & then died in a car accident on his way to work on 4-26-2010. My husband was funny and sweet and calm and handsome and was so full of life when he left me for another woman. I let those generations who have come along during these 24 years know what a unique man he was. He left me on 4-2-2012 - just 24 days before our sons 2 year angelversary. I am Greg Sr.'s wife and Greggy Jr.'s mother. I will always be their wife and mother. I just need to tap on my rib cage to remember this... I like to believe that they would be proud of my journey. Of the way I climb this mountain. I didn't plan this life but I am content and the raw grief is ending for me. Maybe it will end when I realize that someone we love so very much never really leaves us.

June 22, 2013

A Wonderful Story of Friendship & Values……

A story tells that two friends were walking
through the desert. During some
point of the journey they had an argument, and
one friend slapped the other one in the face.
The one who got slapped was hurt,

but without saying anything, wrote in the sand:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.
They kept on walking until they found an oasis,

where they decided to take a bath. The one who
had been slapped got stuck in the mire and
started drowning, but the friend saved him.
After he recovered from the near

drowning, he wrote on a stone:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.
The friend who had slapped and
saved his best friend asked him,

“After I hurt you, you wrote in the
sand and now, you write on a stone,
why?” The other friend replied “When someone
hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds
of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone

does something good for us, we must engrave
it in stone where no wind can ever erase it.”
LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND
AND T O CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person,
an hour to appreciate them,

a day to love them,
but then an entire life to forget them.
Send this phrase to the people you’ll never
forget. It’s a short message to let them
know that you’ll never forget them.
- MORAL -
Do not value the THINGS you have in your life..
But value WHO you have in your life!

June 21, 2013

Lesson of the day. Wonderful touching story!

A woman baked chapatti (roti) for members of her family and an extra one for a hungry passerby. She kept the extra chapatti on the window sill, for whosoever would take it away. Every day, a hunchback came and took away the chapatti. Instead of expressing gratitude, he muttered the following words as he went his way: “The evil you do remains with you: The good you do, comes back to you!” This went on, day after day. Every day, the hunchback came, picked up the chapatti and uttered the words:

“The evil you do, remains with you: The good you do, comes back to you!” The woman felt irritated. “Not a word of gratitude,” she said to herself… “Everyday this hunchback utters this jingle! What does he mean?” One day, exasperated, she decided to do away with him. “I shall get rid of this hunchback,” she said. And what did she do? She added poison to the chapatti she prepared for him!

As she was about to keep it on the window sill, her hands trembled. “What is this I am doing?” she said. Immediately, she threw the chapatti into the fire, prepared another one and kept it on the window sill. As usual, the hunchback came, picked up the chapatti and muttered the words: “The evil you do, remains with you: The good you do, comes back to you!”

The hunchback proceeded on his way, blissfully unaware of the war raging in the mind of the woman. Every day, as the woman placed the chapatti on the window sill, she offered a prayer for her son who had gone to a distant place to seek his fortune. For many months, she had no news of him.. She prayed for his safe return.

That evening, there was a knock on the door. As she opened it, she was surprised to find her son standing in the doorway. He had grown thin and lean. His garments were tattered and torn. He was hungry, starved and weak. As he saw his mother, he said, “Mom, it’s a miracle I’m here. While I was but a mile away, I was so famished that I collapsed. I would have died, but just then an old hunchback passed by. I begged of him for a morsel of food, and he was kind enough to give me a whole chapatti. As he gave it to me, he said, “This is what I eat everyday: today, I shall give it to you, for your need is greater than mine!”

” As the mother heard those words, her face turned pale. She leaned against the door for support. She remembered the poisoned chapatti that she had made that morning. Had she not burnt it in the fire, it would have been eaten by her own son, and he would have lost his life!

It was then that she realized the significance of the words: “The evil you do remains with you: The good you do, comes back to you!” Do good and Don’t ever stop doing good, even if it is not appreciated at that time. If you like this, share it with others and I bet so many lives would be touched.

More @ Just Because I Appear Happy_Doesn't Mean Everything's Okay.

June 20, 2013

What I deal with Everyday


My son, Gregory Edward Whale, Jr, was born on September 2, 1991; died 13 times before he was 7 hours old, was on ECMO for 3 days when they came and told me that he had to come off or he'd be a vegetable but he would die peacefully... He lived through it and even had several skull surgeries... and for some reason, a reason that I don't know or understand, was taken from me on Monday, April 26, 2010 in a tragic car accident. 

Gregory is gone, but will always be a part of me. He is gone, but not forgotten. I know that some day, I will see him again. But now, alone without him, I must go on. Life handed him so many challenges from day one, but he met every one of them head on, doing it his way no matter what. He lived more in his short 18 years here on earth, than most people lived in a lifetime. He was home-schooled and graduated at the age of 16 and went on to attend Daytona State College in Florida and then Harrisburg Area Community College where he was studying to be a nurse, so that he could help others. In between going to school and studying he also found time to work at Arby's Restaurant and spend time with friends.

Even though I have had to deal with my youngest sons death, I also have to deal with the loss of my husband, who left me for another woman on 4-9-2012... I have been homeless for 11 months and now living with my sister... I have also been going to therapy 5 days a week since July 2012... Living without my youngest son who is heaven, my husband who is living with another woman, & my other 2 sons (22 + 23) who both live in Florida; has been the hardest thing for me to deal with and I deal with it EVERYDAY!

June 17, 2013

I Have Your Picture On A Table

I Have Your Picture On A Table~I Greet You Everyday~I Blow A Kiss To Heaven~Because You Are Far Away~I Whisper That I Love You As My Eyes Fills Up With Tears~It Seems Like Just Yesterday~Although It Has Been 3 Years~I Hold Onto Your Memory That Gets Me Through The Day~I'll Always Have Your Picture And All That I Can Say~Is That I Love You And I Miss You Even Though You're Far Away~I Know You're Watching Over Me From Somewhere Up Above~Blowing Me A Kiss From Heaven And Sending Me Your Love.

(Unknown)

June 16, 2013

I Tried So Hard


I tried so hard. 
I tried my best.
I gave you my all, 
and now there's nothing left.

You stole my heart,
then tore it in two.
Now I'm falling apart,
and don't know what to do.

Divided by decisions,
burned by the fire.
Confused by your words.
Tempted by desire.

I'm living in the present.
My mind is on the past.
Not knowing what I'll lose.
Not knowing what will last.

Blinded by fear.
Drowning in doubt.
Struggling to be free.
Looking for a way out.

June 15, 2013

He'll Never Know


I want to run, I want to hide.
From all the pain he caused inside.
I want to scream, I want to cry.
Why can't I tell him Goodbye?

I want to move on, I just can't let go.
I love him more than he will ever know.
I want to start over, I want to feel free!
But this pain will never leave me be.

He hurt me bad, the pain is deep.
From all the promises he couldn't keep.
All the lies, I heard him say.
Are in my head and just won't fade.

How can I forget him, leave the him behind.
Erase the memories from my mind.
He doesn't love me, and he never will.
He will never care, how I feel.

June 6, 2013


Still Separated & Hating It...

June 4, 2013

Special Angel Mom...

IT TAKES SOMEONE VERY SPECIAL TO MOTHER AN ANGEL
A MOTHER WHO IS WILLING TO CRY
MORE TEARS THAN MOST PEOPLE COULD EVER IMAGINE
A MOTHER WHO IS ABLE TO LET GO
OF THE MOST PRECIOUS THING SHE EVER HAD
AND HOLD ON AT THE SAME TIME...
TO A CHILD THEY CANNOT TOUCH OR
HOLD OR SEE BUT ONLY LOVE
A MOTHER WHO CAN UNDERSTAND
THAT UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, LOVE WITHOUT EXPECTATIONS
OR LIMITS, IS THE ONLY WAY TO LOVE AN ANGEL.
A MOTHER WHO KNOWS IN HER HEART,

THE LOVE AN ANGEL GIVES BACK TO HER IS A SPECIAL GIFT,
HIDDEN IN A SUNSET, A BUTTERFLY OR A FLOWER.
A MOTHER WHO FEELS THAT ANGEL'S PRESENCE EVERYDAY
AND KNOWS THE LOVE THEY SHARE IS FOREVER.
BECAUSE IT TAKES SOMEONE VERY SPECIAL
TO MOTHER AN ANGEL....♥

May 10, 2013

Grieving Around Others...

The gap between those who have lost children and those who have not is profoundly difficult to bridge. No one, whose children are well and intact can be expected to understand what parents who have lost children have absorbed and what they bear. Our children come to us through every blade of grass, every crack in the sidewalk, every bowl of breakfast cereal. We seek contact with their atoms, their... hairbrush, their toothbrush, their clothing. We reach for what was integrally woven into the fabric of our lives, now torn and shredded. A black hole has been blown through our souls and, indeed, it often does not allow the light to escape. It is a difficult place. For us to enter there is to be cut deeply, and torn anew, each time we go there, by the jagged edges of our loss. Yet we return, again and again, for that is where our children now reside. This will be so for years to come and it will change us profoundly. At some point in the distant future, the edges of that hole will have tempered and softened but the empty space will remain - a life sentence. Our friends will change through this. There is no avoiding it. We grieve for our children, in part, through talking about them and our feelings for having lost them. Some go there with us, others cannot and through their denial and a further measure, however unwittingly, to an already heavy burden. Assuming that we may be feeling "better" six months later is simply "to not get it." The excruciating and isolating reality that bereaved parents feel is hermetically sealed from the nature of any other human experience. Thus it is a trap - those whose compassion and insight we most need are those for whom we abhor the experience that would allow them that sensitivity and capacity. And yet, somehow there are those, each in their own fashion, who have found a way to reach us and stay, to our comfort. They have understood, again each in their own way, that our children remain our children through our memory of them. Their memory is sustained through speaking about them and our feelings about their death. Deny this and you deny their life. Deny their life and you no longer have a place in ours. We recognize that we have moved to an emotional place where it is often very difficult to reach us. Our attempts to be normal are painful and the day to day carries a silent, screaming anguish that companies us, sometimes from moment to moment. Were we to give it its own voice we fear we would become truly unreachable, and so we remain "strong" for a host of reasons even as the strength saps our energy and drains our will. Were we to act out our true feelings we would be impossible to be with. We resent having to act normal, yet we dare not do otherwise. People who understand this dynamic are our gold standard. Working our way through this over the years will change us as does every experience - and extreme experience changes one extremely. We know we will have recovered when, as we have read, it is no longer so painful to be normal. We do not know who we will be at that point or who will still be with us. We have read that the gap is so difficult that, often, bereaved parents must attempt to reach out to friends and relatives or risk losing them. This is our attempt. For those untarnished by such events, who wish to know in some way what they, thankfully, do not know, read this. It may provide a window that is helpful for both sides of the gap.
-Author UNKNOWN

May 5, 2013

Mental Disorder

I've been in therapy for about 10 months now
& it's nice being with people who also have issues.


May 4, 2013

Letting Go...

Letting go of my husband is so hard... 
I wish I knew how to do this...

May 2, 2013

Dear God,

Dear God, 
I'm not the perfect daughter. I fail you so many times, but You love me regardless. I can't explain how great Your love is for me, because I can hardly even understand it. Lord, may I let myself be used by You and may I draw myself nearer to You.

April 26, 2013

My Son's THIRD Year in Heaven... (Forever 18)



A FaceBook Remembrance Event
for my son
Greggy's 3rd Angelversary 

APRIL 26th, 2013

(Anywhere you are)

It's so hard to believe he's been gone for
almost 3 years now...

Please say you'll attend!

 Last year there were 510 people who attended

& I'd like to match that or exceed that this year...
All you have to do is select JOIN,

you can even click the star on the top right...
and then select "Turn OFF Notifications"
so you don't get notified of each post...

Thanks in advance...



April 20, 2013

Help for those who are grieving...


I've been traveling this journey of grief for 35 1/2 years so please allow me to share with those of you who are new on this journey........

The initial pain is of such magnitude that we become locked in that nightmare moment that seems to have no end. Be kind to yourself and grieve at your own pace and somewhere along the pathway of this journey you will once again see light and embrace all the cherished memories of times shared with your child. I told myself "if not for my child I would never have known the ultimate depths of pain" and almost in the same breath I told myself " My child was worth all this pain just to have had him in my life for 19 years."
I was the Mother who many said would never survive once my Glen was gone but in my darkest hour I came to know my truest strength and remembering my son's words to me.... Mom, you can do anything. 

Now my prayers are for others who follow behind me on this journey we share so close your eyes and say this too shall pass, taking one day at a time. 
May God embrace each of you with his love, fill you with his mighty strength and touch you with his healing power God loves you and I do too!.

written by: Eve Shannon

April 19, 2013

Dance Trendz Shop

If you or someone you know loves to dance:

Check out this page!