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October 13, 2011

Grief Addicting?

I heard some horrible news today... Another Grieving Mother died... She had copied & pasted this into a private FaceBook group, just days before dying in her sleep... So Sad... (As I have heard, she went out with her sisters earlier in the day and was not feeling well. She then took some Pepto Bismol and was throwing up and then died in her sleep.)

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ●•٠Rest In Peace Debra٠•●Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
"What if I told you grief is addictive, even though it is something we did not ask for, or wanted in our life. What if I questioned your need to shed your identity of loss from your life? Would you question this email? Would you stop reading? Would you protect your grief even more?

Before you make any decision let me explain...

When we have been hit by grief, and we have no choice but to go through this horrible world of pain and helplessness we learn new ways of surviving.

We learn to live within the darkness.
We learn to use our loss as our first name.
We learn that we had no choice but to feel hopeless.

And we are told that there is nothing we could possibly ever do to feel better, as time is the only way out of this pain. So while we wait for time to heal us, we got comfortable within our grief. We looked in the mirror and we only saw uncertainty married with a disadvantaged life.
Somehow the image in the mirror is now used to living in this space with dimmed lighting, merely surviving and making the most of what little life has left behind, on its way out the door.

But guess what happens during the time of grieving? New habits emerge that were never there before. New beliefs are being cemented in your brain about who you now are. You create this story of a new life. You write the story of a new you, using the proof that has surrounded you.

Out of necessity grief moves in, but out of habit grief never moves out. Don't make the mistake, and forget that life is more than just pain, more than just surviving.

Don't become addicted to living your life hiding in the darkness under your identity of your loss. Life can be more addictive than grief. But it has to be lived, experienced and felt once again.

Will you turn on the lights in your life by choosing life over your grief?"

- written by: Christina Rasmussen, Second Firsts (she's on facebook)


  1. Kind of depends. My father was in declining health for many years and although I miss him, he was so terribly ill and deteriorated at the end that it was in some ways a relief when he passed. But if something ever happened to my child, I am not ashamed to say that I would not continue to go on. There would simply be no reason to.
    I certainly do not wish to belittle the faith of those who are believers, but I personally do not believe in any sort of dogma which would make my taking of my own life a sin. If my child were no longer with me, nobody would miss me were I to off myself. Thus, why prolong the agony? Hopefully it will never come to this.

  2. Yes, losing a child (in my opinon) is worse than any other loss I can personally think of... I lost my Dad a few years ago & the slew of relatives a normal adult will experience at this time in their life... However, In April of 2010, My husband & I lost our youngest son. He was 18 Years, 7 Months, & 24 Days old when he hit a tree on his way from college to work... It was the day my world fell apart... My heart was torn into puzzle pieces & pieces are missing... I have two living sons as well (1 of which is getting married next weekend & the other just turned 21!), Parents are supposed to enjoy seeing their children grow up, get married, have kids, watch their kids grow up & get married, & maybe even see their great grandchildren... But we're not supposed to out-live our kids!! We'll never stop loving our kids, even if they die... But Our Life sure has gotten worse since he died... He was my baby & I miss him so much... <> Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever see him again, meaning in heaven or whatever is after this life... I don't think I could ever commit suicide, but the thought sure has crossed my mind more than once...


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