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July 31, 2011

Reset your clock ~

Reset your clock ~ When a child dies, there is only Before and After. There is your life Before the death and now there is your life After the death. It's as if your internal calendar gets re-set to mark the significance of your loss. Many grieving parents can tell you, without thought or consciousness, exactly how many years, months, or days have passed since their child died. These new ways of keeping time are perfectly normal. You are not crazy! Your mind and your heart have simply come up with a new system to mark the Earth's relentless rotation. It's also ok to mention your new timekeeping system in every day conversation: "Thanksgiving's coming, my son died four Thanksgivings ago." Comments such as these let others know that it's important to you to remember and to continue to tell the story. Write two columns on a piece of paper. Before and After. In ten minutes, brainstorm as many adjectives or feelings that you can think of that define each time period. Share with another how long it has been since your Before. (from "Healing a Parent's Grieving Heart" by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.)

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