What "IT" Is (borrowed from another grieving Mother)
It's been a year, you should be over it. What exactly is "IT"? But do people who have never suffered loss really know what "IT" is? To us, the bereaved... "IT" is five days after the funeral, and your world caves in with reality of the loss. "IT" is ...Thanksgiving Day. trying to find something to be thankful for. "IT" is Christmas without the merry, and New Years without the happy. "IT" is your first day back to work when every minute you are afraid you will burst into tears. "IT" is their birthday, but there is no them to celebrate. "IT" is Valentine's Day, only this time no hearts and flowers to share with them, and your heart is broken. "IT" is your birthday, and there is still no them to celebrate it with. "IT" is springtime when everything comes alive except you, that is. "IT" is Easter and everyone is singing "Let us Rejoice and be Glad" but there is no rejoicing and no glad in your heart. "IT" is Mother's Day and you sadly remember how happy being a mother made you feel, or how you rejoiced with your spouse over the birth. "IT" is Father's Day and you sadly remember how happy being a Father made you feel, or how you rejoiced with your spouse over the birth. "IT" is the 4th of July and the celebrations remind you just how little you feel you have to celebrate now. "IT" is vacation time and you just stay home, because there is nowhere to go to not feel so empty. "IT" is Halloween and you pass out candy, but you remember all the memories of past happy times together and make you sad. "IT" is seeing milestones in your life progress and pass and your loved one is gone, never to share them with. "IT" is looking at the moon and wondering if they see the same moon like the two of you always did in the past. "IT" is receiving the first wedding invitation to their friend's wedding and knowing that life goes on without your loved one. "IT" is going back into that church for the first time and remembering, but not remembering and feeling that all eyes are on you. "IT" is going to another funeral for the first time and feeling yourself shaking all over, too distraught to stay, but unable to leave. "IT" is doing all the things you always did, plus all the things you had hoped to do together, and doing it all when all of your energy has been used for grieving. "IT" is being strong when you really feel weak. "IT" is dealing With all the legality of estates and such when all you want to do is hibernate . "IT" is a whole big bunch of stuff you didn't ask for, didn't want and can't even give away. "IT" is going to the cemetery and seeing the monument with their name or even face. and it hits you in the face that THlS IS REAL! "IT" is feeling like a traitor when you get rid of their personal belongings. "IT" is approaching the first anniversary of their death and reliving it all-oh yes, some things might be better but the void is no less. "IT" is people forgetting and you cry, and people remembering and you cry. "IT" is a future of unknowns and uncertainties and emptiness. "IT" is in the first glimpse of sunrise and in your last waking breath, and even finds ways to creep into your sleep and your dreams ... So maybe when someone tells you that you should be over "IT" by now, you should just tell them what "IT" really is!