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January 3, 2011

THE NEW NORMAL


*Normal is telling the story of our child's death over and over again as if it were a common every day occurrence and then gasping in horror about how awful it really sounds.

*Normal is sleepless nights filled with what if's and why didn't I's.

*Normal is feeling more comfortable at a cemetery than a family reunion.

*Normal is dreading that paperwork that will ask do you have children - is there even room to write yes but he/she is no longer living?
*Normal is becoming paralyzed at the sound of sirens.

*Normal is trying to decide how to decorate our child's grave instead of our house on dreaded holidays.

*Normal is checking to see if I am wearing two of the same shoes, while searching for the phone I'm actually talking on and grabbing my keys out of the freezer or some other strange place where I had forgotten I put them.

*Normal is feeling closer to someone in Canada than the person sitting next to me because they too share this new Normal.

*Normal is sitting at the computer trying to type through the tears and sharing my deepest pain with a complete stranger because they too know this pain.

*Normal is tears waiting behind every smile because my child is not here to share important moments in my life.

*Normal is not saying the words "happy" and "birthday" in the same sentence ever again.

*Normal is crying every single day and knowing tomorrow will be no different.

*Normal is knowing without a doubt that I can never be hurt this badly again for as long as I live.

*Normal is being afraid of everything yet being afraid of nothing and then wondering which is worse.

*Normal is knowing that I love my friends and family but in a sense pushing them away because they just can't understand.

*Normal is a constant sense of "loss of control" at any given time or at any given place because you never know when it will hit.

*Normal is an ache in the center of my chest that I am learning to live with yet it still has the ability to double me over without warning.

*Normal is not knowing how much longer I can sit somewhere without getting up and screaming to the top of my lungs.

*Normal is suddenly gasping for a breath because you realized that you had forgotten to breathe.

*Normal is waking up in the morning and wondering why.

*Normal is feeling resentment towards people when they complain about how awful their lives are because they can't pay a bill, or their kid lied or didn't do their chores, or because they are having relationship problems, or in my mind, other trivial problems.

*Normal is always remembering watching your child die, begging God to save your child, and being totally helpless to save your child.

*Normal is wanting to scream, "SAY HER NAME! SAY HIS NAME! TALK ABOUT HER! TALK ABOUT HIM! STOP SAYING SHE OR HER, HE OR HIM! SAY THEIR NAME!"

Written by Angel Roberson, TCF, Las Vegas
In Loving Memory of her beautiful dauhter Breanna Lindsay

6 comments:

  1. Just went to this post from the grieving mothers site. Read about the new normal. Looked at the date it was posted - the date of my son's accident, and the day his soul left his body. Looked at the butterflies - I asked him to send me butterflies. So now the tears are rolling, don't know how this stuff works, but it does. Love and hugs xx

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  2. Oh Sweetie, I hope some of those are tears are happiness, knowing your son sent you a gift of butterflies! Like I said before to you, not all my posts have butterflies... But this one is from me to you...

    __$$$$$$$$$_____________________,,$$$$$$$
    ___$$$$$$$$$$,,_______________,,$$$$$$$$$
    ____$$$$$$$$$$$$__ ._____.___$$$$$$$$$$$
    ____$$$$$$$$$$$$$,_'.____.'_,,$$$$$$$$$$$
    ____$$$$$$$$$$$$$$,, '._,'_$$$$$$$$$$$$$
    ____$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.@:,$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$
    ______***$$$$$$$$$$$@@$$$$$$$$$$$****
    __________,,,__*$$$$$$@.$$$$$$,,,,,,
    _____,,$$$$$$$$$$$$$* @ *$$$$$$$$$$$$,,,
    ____*$$$$$$$$$$$$$*_@@_*$$$$$$$$$$$$$
    ___,,*$$$$$$$$$$$$$__.@.__*$$$$$$$$$$$$$..
    _$*___*$$$$$$$$$$$___*___*$$$$$$$$$$*___*$,
    *____,,*$$$$$$$$$$_________$$$$$$$$$$*,,___'*
    ______,,$*$,$$**'___________'***$$***,,
    ____,,**__ '_.*__________________*___

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  3. Love the poem are we allowed to copy & paste ? I would love to put it in my notes on f/b.

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  4. Yes, or you can click the Facebook icon on the right side...

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  5. Thanks for you poem :) Its just nice to be in a boat with other who sink and swim too !
    Everyday brings new, God Bless

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  6. You're welcome... Take time & read over the different posts... The best way is to click on the month (on the right side of screen) & scan over the entire month (or year) to see if there is anything you might like to read... Enjoy & God Bless!

    ReplyDelete

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