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The things I plan on posting here will be things of interest to me & maybe you too!
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January 26, 2010

No one believes seniors!

Everyone thinks they are senile.

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally."

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money - Fifty-Thousand Dollars! Andy said, "We've got to give it back."

Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money,and knocked on their door. "Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?" Sally said, "No." --- Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."

Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile!"

The cops turned to Andy and began to question him. One said: "Tell us the story from the beginning."
Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday..."

The first police officer turned to his partner and said, "We're outta here!"

January 25, 2010

Happy New Year... Yeah... a LITTLE Late!

Twas the month after Christmas,
and all through the house,
Nothing would fit me,
not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled,
the chocolate I'd taste
At the holiday parties
had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales
there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store
(less a walk than a lumber),
I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt...
I said to myself, as I only can,
"You can't spend a Summer, disguised as a man!"
So, away with the last of the sour cream dip.
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie, not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie.
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore...
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet.

(All of these pigs were animated at one time,
but alas maybe they too have eaten too much also!!)

January 24, 2010

A Prayer For Our Nation...

“Heavenly Father, We come before You today to ask Your Forgiveness and seek Your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, “Woe to those who call evil good,” but that's exactly what we have done. We have lost our Spiritual equilibrium and inverted our values. We confess that;

We have ridiculed the absolute truth of Your Word
and called it pluralism;

We have worshipped other gods
and called it multiculturalism;

We have endorsed perversion
and called it an alternative lifestyle;

We have exploited the poor
and called it the lottery;

We have neglected the needy
and called itself preservation;

We have rewarded laziness
and called it welfare;

We have killed our unborn
and called it choice;

We have shot abortionists
and called it justifiable;

We have neglected to discipline our children
and called it building self-esteem;

We have abused power
and called it political savvy;

We have coveted our neighbor's possessions
and called it ambition;

We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography
and called it freedom of expression;

We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers
and called it enlightenment.
Search us, O God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Guide and bless the men and women who have been sent here by the people of this United States of America and who have been ordained by You, to govern this Great Nation. Grant them your wisdom to rule and may their decisions direct us to the center of Your Will. I ask this in the name of your Son; The Living Savior; Jesus Christ… Amen.”
Think about this: If you forward this prayer to everyone on your e-mail list, in less than 30 days it would be heard by the world. (It's worth a try!) One Nation Under God.
This prayer actually took place first, in the Kansas House in Topeka on January 23, 1996. Joe Wright is the pastor of Central Christian Church in Wichita and was guest chaplain that day. He prayed a prayer of repentance that was written by Bob Russell, pastor of Southeast Christian Church in Louisville, Kentucky. According to an article in the Kansas City Star from January 24, 1996, his prayer did stir controversy and one member of the legislative body walked out. Others criticized the prayer.
The last paragraph was was rewritten to cover the entire United States, it was originally: "Search us, O God, and know our hearts today; try us and see if there be some wicked way in us; cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Guide and bless these men and women who have been sent here by the people of this state and who have been ordained by You, to govern this great state of Kansas. Grant them your wisdom to rule and may their decisions direct us to the center of Your Will. I ask in the name of your Son, The Living Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen"
The controversy didn't end there. Later that year in the Colorado House, Republican representative Mark Paschall angered lawmakers by using Joe Wright's prayer as the invocation. Some members there also walked out in protest.
Paul Harvey also aired the story and the prayer. He got such a large response that a phone number was set up to handle the calls. He's aired it a couple more times since.

January 23, 2010

The Cab Ride...

I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes I walked to the door and knocked.. "Just a minute," answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor. After A long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie.
By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils On the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.
"Would you carry my bag out to the car?" she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. she kept thanking me for my kindness. "It's nothing," I told her... "I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated. "Oh, you're such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, "Could you drive through downtown?" - "It's not the shortest way," I answered quickly. "Oh, I don't mind," she said. "I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a Hospice." I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. "I don't have any family left," she continued in a soft voice.. "The doctor says I don't have very long." I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.
"What route would you like me to take?" I asked. For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an Elevator Operator. We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds and she had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl. Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.
As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, "I'm tired. Let's go now." We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico. Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her. I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.
"How much do I owe you?" she asked, reaching into her purse. "Nothing," I said "You have to make a living," she answered. "There will be other passengers," I responded. Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly. "You gave an old woman a little moment of joy," she said. "Thank you." - I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light... Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life...
I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away? On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life. We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware, beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.
People may not remember exactly
what you did or what you said,
But they will ALWAYS remember
how you made them Feel...

The random acts of kindness
are what benefit us all.
Thank you, my friend...
Life may not be the party we hoped for,
but while we are here we might as well dance.

January 22, 2010

We are Americans...

The year is 1907, over one hundred years ago.

US President Theodore Roosevelt's ideas on
Immigrants and being an AMERICAN in 1907.
"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American... There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag...... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language.... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."

Theodore Roosevelt

If you live in the United States of America,
Please consider yourself an American!
We are Not Hyphenated-Americans!
Like: African-Americans, Arab-Americans, Asian-Americans, Chinese-Americans, Cuban-Americans, English-Americans, European-Americans, Filipino-Americans, French-Americans, German-Americans, Greek-Americans, Irish-Americans, Indian-Americans, Italian-Americans, Japanese Americans, Jewish Americans, Korean Americans, Mexican Americans, Native-Americans, Polish Americans, Russian Americans, Scandinavian-Americans, Spanish Americans, Ukrainian Americans, Vietnamese Americans, and so on...

Nothing More & Nothing Less!

January 21, 2010

One Flaw In Women...

God doesn't give you the people you want;
He gives you the people you NEED...
To help you, to hurt you, to leave you,
to love you, and to make you...
into the person you were meant to be!

One Flaw In Women...

Women have strengths that amaze men...

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

But they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy

And laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer

When they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel

And cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about

A birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member,

Yet they are strong when they

Think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss

Can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you

To show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what

Makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.

They have compassion and ideas.

They give moral support to their

Family and friends.

Women have vital things to say

And everything to give.



Please pass this along...
to all your women friends and relatives -
to remind them just how amazing they are.

January 20, 2010

Why I Can Not Go Shopping Anymore...

After Chrissy was no longer able to drive, I had to accompany her on her shopping trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my Dear Sweet wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart. (Ouch!)

Dear Mrs. Whale,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Greg, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

July 2: He set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute Intervals.

July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

July 19: He walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away." This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor; that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

August 4: He went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on Layaway.

August 14: He moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

August 15: He set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

August 23: As he was looking at the jewelry showcase, a clerk asked if they could help him - he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" EMTs were called.

September 4: He looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

October 3: He darted around the store suspiciously - while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.

October 18: He hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, he yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

And last, but not least:

October 23: He went into a fitting room; shut the door; waited awhile; & then yelled very loudly: "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here." One of the clerks passed out.

(FYI: This is a Joke & Is NOT True!)

January 19, 2010

The Art of Food...

Make sure you scroll all the way down and read what is written.
There's more than you think!!

Check Out these Little People!!

Now for some REALLY GOOD Food Art!!

Do not miss the colored bell pepper awnings, pasta crates, dried thyme ivy and the Parmesan cheese walls. The more you look, the more you discover.

Check out the pasta wagon, Italian parsley branches, basil bushes, bean (stone) hedges and mushroom wheels in the image above.

A sea of chocolate or maybe gravy, tree branches made of fresh dill, rye bread and potato rocks, a little green bean canoe and brown sugar sand.

Parmesian Walls, Pasta Curtains, Fondu Table Cloth,
Oh Look at all the wonderful food!!

Tree branches made of fresh dill & Brocolli; potato rocks; Turnips, Garlic, Apples & More make up some of the Great Hot Air Balloons; and check out the gardens!!

You tell me - Is that mostly bread?! How Lovely!

Broccoli and cauliflower boulders, carrot stalactites, portobello mushroom and lobster tail rock formations...
--->>> All I can say is WOW!!! <<<---

International Disturbed
People's Day

Please send an encouraging message
to a Disturbed friend...
just as I've done.

Every sixty seconds you spend angry, upset or mad, is a full minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly,

Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.

Life may not to be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance...
Today is